A great relationship can be a source of support, fun and fufillment. But no one said it was every going to be a walk in the park. Relationship success takes time, effort and commitment.
Good solid honest advice is one of the best things you could have when making a relationship decision. The right advice from the right people could make all the difference when evaluating a mate or situation.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
Erm ok.
If you hear the neighbours whispering when you leave the house - they could be referring to you as either a spineless jellyfish or a quitter, depending on whether you stay in the unhappy relationship or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Be Smart Think Smart.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Abusive
I know I don't have to say it - but I will anyway. Physical abuse is not acceptable. If you are at the receiving end, get out now.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
Remember you are only responsible for your own emotions and feelings, you are not responsible for their issues, childhood, and sulks. Do not be a therapist or parent to them or they will never grow, and you will be drained of any energy. Seek professional advice and help immediately.
2. The Bitter One
They never notice your success, accomplishments,new shirt or haircut. They love to rub your mistakes or weaknesses in your face, and completely overlook your positive traits.
They are emotional vampires. Putting you and your accomplishments down makes their small and insignificant selves feel better
If you still want to work on development the 'relationship' I recommend using a neutral third party as they will point out their behaviour to them in a more subtle manner. If you want out - then I recommend fast action while you still have your self-esteem.
3. The Love Rat
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. The Power Hungry
Does the thought of you spending time with friends and family - bring on a case of the severe sulk?
Does the prospect of you having fun with friends and family bring on unexplained sickness, problems, or time delays?
Despite your reassurances, they are insecure and threatended by those close to you.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. Not Tonight Honey - I'm Reading
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
This could be easily rectified by a bit of help and support in other areas of your lives. Speak openly with your beloved to better understand the situation.
Sensitivity and tact are very important in this situation. And problems in the bedroom could actually be an indication of problems in other areas of the relationship - i.e. anger, resentment, lack of and intimacy and boredom.
6. The Free Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. In Need of Repair
These poor little 'victims' have a history of being hurt and taken for granted.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Their mum or dad told them that they were fabulous, the best thing since sliced bread. Unfortunately for you - they believed it.
They will always be the innocent party, as they could never do anything wrong. And what's worse - they will be very attached to their mother's or father's apron strings.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
If they still do not see the light, give them their marching orders.
9. No Dirtiness - Unless it Verbal
If hygiene is a foreign word to them, I suggest getting out fast. Ok I admit it - I am a bit anal. However I don't see how regular bathing could harm anyone!
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. Hello - Is it Me Your Looking For?
These people are just plain inconsiderate. They are so focused on themselves and their needs and goals that they forget that you are there. They expect you to ask about them, pick them up when their chips are down, wipe their faces - but God forbid you should expect anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
Get out or you will turn in to their door mat.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect, consideration, and appreciation at all times.
To your health and happiness!
Good solid honest advice is one of the best things you could have when making a relationship decision. The right advice from the right people could make all the difference when evaluating a mate or situation.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
Erm ok.
If you hear the neighbours whispering when you leave the house - they could be referring to you as either a spineless jellyfish or a quitter, depending on whether you stay in the unhappy relationship or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Be Smart Think Smart.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Abusive
I know I don't have to say it - but I will anyway. Physical abuse is not acceptable. If you are at the receiving end, get out now.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
Remember you are only responsible for your own emotions and feelings, you are not responsible for their issues, childhood, and sulks. Do not be a therapist or parent to them or they will never grow, and you will be drained of any energy. Seek professional advice and help immediately.
2. The Bitter One
They never notice your success, accomplishments,new shirt or haircut. They love to rub your mistakes or weaknesses in your face, and completely overlook your positive traits.
They are emotional vampires. Putting you and your accomplishments down makes their small and insignificant selves feel better
If you still want to work on development the 'relationship' I recommend using a neutral third party as they will point out their behaviour to them in a more subtle manner. If you want out - then I recommend fast action while you still have your self-esteem.
3. The Love Rat
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. The Power Hungry
Does the thought of you spending time with friends and family - bring on a case of the severe sulk?
Does the prospect of you having fun with friends and family bring on unexplained sickness, problems, or time delays?
Despite your reassurances, they are insecure and threatended by those close to you.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. Not Tonight Honey - I'm Reading
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
This could be easily rectified by a bit of help and support in other areas of your lives. Speak openly with your beloved to better understand the situation.
Sensitivity and tact are very important in this situation. And problems in the bedroom could actually be an indication of problems in other areas of the relationship - i.e. anger, resentment, lack of and intimacy and boredom.
6. The Free Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. In Need of Repair
These poor little 'victims' have a history of being hurt and taken for granted.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
Warning - you may get bored of re-assuring them. The intervention of a neutral third party will help point out their negative and gloomy outlook.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Their mum or dad told them that they were fabulous, the best thing since sliced bread. Unfortunately for you - they believed it.
They will always be the innocent party, as they could never do anything wrong. And what's worse - they will be very attached to their mother's or father's apron strings.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
If they still do not see the light, give them their marching orders.
9. No Dirtiness - Unless it Verbal
If hygiene is a foreign word to them, I suggest getting out fast. Ok I admit it - I am a bit anal. However I don't see how regular bathing could harm anyone!
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. Hello - Is it Me Your Looking For?
These people are just plain inconsiderate. They are so focused on themselves and their needs and goals that they forget that you are there. They expect you to ask about them, pick them up when their chips are down, wipe their faces - but God forbid you should expect anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
Get out or you will turn in to their door mat.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated with respect, consideration, and appreciation at all times.
To your health and happiness!
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving relationship tips to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!
No comments:
Post a Comment